I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
