they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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