i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
