Everything about him screamed your future.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
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