don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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