So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
