I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Randomize
