If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
