I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
