and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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