Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
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Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
It was like giving head to a cactus.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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