remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious