I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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