my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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