fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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