Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
