So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
In America we eat man semen.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
