It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came so hard my ears popped.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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