i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Be still, my beating vagina.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Randomize
