I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
i believe in u and ur pee
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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