Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
I see more hoeing in ur future
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
