After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
You can't just leave with hair like that
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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