A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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