Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize