We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
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You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
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Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
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