Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Randomize
