Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
