the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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