I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
The beer is more important than you right now.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You made out with two different species that night
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
