i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
