That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
Randomize
