You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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