I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Randomize
