Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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