One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
