One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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