I can text with my tongue
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
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