she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
40s are totally the cure
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
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