Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
