11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
