wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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