He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
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