WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
