90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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