I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Randomize
