Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
