That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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