She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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