They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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