I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Houston, we have a squirter
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize
