i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Randomize
