So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Randomize
