atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize