remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
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