i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
