You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
