There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Randomize
