I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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