fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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