nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
