I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I intend to get homeless drunk
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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