You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
