Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
Randomize
