Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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