so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
