Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Randomize
