someone get that fucking seahorse.
I wish you could order shots online.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
