So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
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