I hate all girls vehemently.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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