If you die in college, do you die in real life?
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
