My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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