dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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