I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Just cropdusted the office
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
