Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
What a dumb baby whore.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
