You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
