Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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