I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
