she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
