someone threw a dead crab at me
So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
