hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
