I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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