K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
