so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
