What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
