That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
